Tired but feel blessed

After working for weeks like a dog since June , I finally went for another meditation camp with my friend Alien in early July. This time I could  tahan longer without feeling my back is cracking into pieces  at the end of every session, and I have more control over my mind. Overall , I feel my body is more accustomed to the long meditation sessions than the last one.

After the meditation  camp, I plunged into another crazy week at work. At the end of the week, Porky cooked for me dinner for the 3 or 4 th time after years moving in to our place now, i must go buy toto. It was a good meal, sweet potato porridge , tao cheong  with egg plant,  eggs with onions, I truly enjoyed a good meal.

Last week is then another crazy week of study for a 5 days full time  training course at a private institute. Since the first day of my course , I have fall sick ( thanks to piggy ) and have to burn midnight oil, for the 5days  course is too packed for me to cope. Lots of exercises to be done each night  and lots of memorizing for exam , I can only sleep for like 5 to 6 hours every day. Finally it is over, I do not think I want to try again.

We watched The Big C last night on the cable tv, and Susan Sarandan asked Cathy , when was the last time she felt joy in herself ? For me , it is always the trips with Piggy.   We are now planning for our year end trip and the top 2 options are  Japan and  Australia.

 I read some writings from a Thai monk,  he said : 坚持完美的人和事这种概念是多余的，它只会制造不必要的痛苦。  Ppl are trying very hard to go for things that is pleasing to  their  senses, they want more and more  and it is never enough. It would only create tension/ stress / pain / resistance to simple but good things in life.  Everything  that is too perfect looks fake, things with flaws look real. I would rather eat foods that  is plain but with real ingredients , rather that something taste perfect but full of coloring / flavoring. Greedy for good smell / taste / appearance , and that is the reason why our foods are poisoned nowadays. He has also said that 无法自爱 的人， 没有能力去爱 别人。 I totally agree with that, I need to love myself more, after all I just learnt how to love someone else in the last ten years.

Darby

We are going to Phuket

We have booked for air and hotel to Phuket end of May, meeting my friends of bad influence there , Alien and Ah Lee. Both Porky and i are exhausted, he is having a rough time this year because of work and family, so am I. We both sufferred abit.

Buddhism does not encourage to do good for your own selfish desire , such as to have good karma, but it does acknowledge that doing good things will improve your life as your energy will change to positive and attracts good things. We are not saints, but we harm no one and try to be good person most of the time, to animal / ppl / environment . Doing what you believe in, little by little , things will change for better.

Darby

自备午餐

自从工作量越来越多后， 我两星期前开始自备午餐。
菜单如下：
1/ 生菜
2/ 番茄
3/ 芝士
4/火腿肉
5/水果
6/ 面包
7/ 水煮花椰菜和萝卜
8/自制腌黄瓜
9/袋装咖啡粉

以后我还想自己带腊肠炒饭，墨西哥餅皮，阿拉伯小米，麦片。

自备午餐的 好处是比较清淡无盐油，午餐后不会很睏， 感觉肚子很轻松， 无负担； 十五分钟吃完，不用外出排队买午餐，时间也多了出来。 坏处是： 没有和同事交流的机会，但我也不想再听他们的关于女性黄色笑话，听多了很腻。吃完了午餐还有半个小时，我会读书，投资或禅修类的较多。

下班后会外食，通常较不健康，可是也懒惰再弄晚餐了。

Darby

A day of Shame.............

I am disappointed with the result.  May be they can doctor the result , they can never win the heart of ppl with their filthy acts before the election.

Darby

重游永春园

今天我和生命中最爱我的妈妈和帅猫老公去了已营业84年之久的永春园吃中饭。地点是老公提议的。 老公说要请我妈妈吃饭，来孝敬她老人家。

我心想认识老公快十年了，但我们三个人很少一起出外用餐。又恰巧今天我的女佣周休。The timing's just nice。所以就一口答应老公的邀约。

出门前才从妈妈口中知道原来那也是她结婚时摆喜酒的地方。好巧！ 妈妈说好久没去永春园了。也不知道永春园已经搬到牛车水附近。

我们三个人吃了八样点心。食物的水准大致上都令我满意。价钱也还好。只是老公好像吃不惯太多油炸和几乎都是已肉为馅料的点心。妈妈也吃得不多。结果还是我做大胃王。把他们不吃的点心扫完。

我希望会有更多类似今天的三人行。也希望能有机会和老公的妈妈一起用餐。让我也能尽一份我的心意。

兜

不习惯

爸爸过世八天。家里少了他的影子。很不习惯。

虽然他不是我的精神依靠，但是我还是有失落感。顿时觉得整天让我忙得喘不过气的工作再也不重要。

昨晚梦见爸爸。我问他肚子还痛吗？他说还是有一点痛，没完全好。

他走得突然。我没机会和他道别。听他交待任何事或话。心里除了难过，还有很多遗憾。

现在脑子里唯一想要的是他能有好的结果。再也没有病痛。

我再也不能让工作颠覆我的人生。我要把妈妈照顾好。不能因为工作而忽略家人。

兜

无常

今天凌晨小猪的父亲辞世了。 虽然小猪劳心劳力负担和照顾洗肾多年脾气古怪的他，已经现在社会少见的好儿子。今天他还是莫名其妙的自责流泪，没有更好的照顾他。我自问不如小猪，没能力和耐性如他这般奉养父亲，因我脾气也不好，不会忍气吞声好言相劝。心里希望小猪，学会放下，接受无常本来就是生命的根本。

到了四十岁，身边的长辈慢慢一个一个离开。 不由得你不想，今天在生活中公司里和别人斗得你死我活，家财万贯，你就满意你的人生吗？ 每天麻木的工作娱乐睡觉，到两脚一伸就是你要的人生？人生苦乐参半还要再来一回吗？要不要到临走时才想，接下来是什么？ 我只知道，如果轮回是真的，我不想再回来。好累。


常听到大悲咒，第一次听到会让人边听边掉泪版本，只有齐豫的梵音大悲咒。

Darby



【梵音大悲咒】
【专辑：唱经给你听－佛心】
【演唱：齐豫 · 张淑蓉】
Namo Ratna Trayaya,
Namo Arya Jnana
Sagara, Vairochana,
Byuhara Jara Tathagataya,
Arahate, Samyaksam Buddhaya
Namo Sarwa Tathagate Bhyay,
Arhata Bhyah,
Samyaksam Buddhe Bhyah
Namo Arya Avalokite
shoraya Bodhisattvaya
Maha Sattvaya,
Maha Karunikaya
Tadyata, Om Dara Dara,
Diri Diri, Duru Duru
Itte We, Itte Chale Chale
Purachale Purachale,
Kusume Kusuma Wa Re
Ili Milli, Chiti Jvalam, Apanaye Svaha


南無怛納達拉雅雅 南無阿裏雅佳納
薩嘎拉貝勒佳納 尤哈拉佳雅
達他嘎達雅 阿拉哈帝 桑雅桑布達雅
納摩薩嚕哇 達他噶提唄
阿啦哈達唄 桑雅桑布提唄
南摩阿里雅阿哇嚕格帝
秀哇啦雅 布地薩埵哇雅
瑪哈薩埵哇雅 瑪哈嘎嚕尼加雅
達地雅他嗡 達啦 達啦
提力 提力 杜露 杜露
易笛威 易笛 加列 加列
不啦加列 不啦加列
固蘇美 固蘇瑪哇壘
易利 密積地 作哈啦
瑪巴 納雅 梭哈