I am listening to my favorite song by Dido on my Ipod while typing this blog. It is raining outside - a cold night in summer. For the past few days , i have been suffering from severe depression due to unknown reason. Maybe the tiredness accumulated for more than a year has found an outlet suddenly after my resignation. My urge to go back to my home has never been stronger and i just cannot wait for a day more to get out of here. Enough is enough. Money really cannot buy happiness, but dun get me wrong, i am not working as a prostitute.
I have told myself many years back i will be all right if I have to stay single for this life. But if a partner comes along it will be a bonus from the Man above. I got one now and i just want to spend my after work hours with him everyday, cause i am craving for intimacy, even if it is just watching tv together. I think i have turned into a hopeless little man who wants to stick like a plaster onto my partner. I am no longer the lone ranger who lives out of a suitcase. It is my wish that i can return to a home with him one day, and i very much want to settle down both mentally to a person and physically to a place like an old dog.
Piggy celebrated his 36th yo birthday last Sunday, while i was not around. I promised my mum this year that i will keep her company next year on mother's day and her birthday. I think i should do the same to piggy and if possible to my old friends. I am really sorry that i have to leave them for my own career. I think this trip to China and Hongkong is an eye opener. I do not regret it but i doubt i want to leave my loved ones again as my mum's eyes will become wet everytime i leave the gate of my house to the airport and it breaks my heart, although many years ago somebody had forecasted that i will have to leave my homeland to earn a living which is a better thing for me. I think it is a curse, 'cos being alone in a foreign land is never a good feeling especially when one becomes older (like me). China is not Malaysia or Singapore and it can never replace my home. Even if returning to Singapore or Malaysia means lower pay and less cash to spend, i should be contented as i just want a simple and peaceful life. I am really really tired now.
Darby
I have told myself many years back i will be all right if I have to stay single for this life. But if a partner comes along it will be a bonus from the Man above. I got one now and i just want to spend my after work hours with him everyday, cause i am craving for intimacy, even if it is just watching tv together. I think i have turned into a hopeless little man who wants to stick like a plaster onto my partner. I am no longer the lone ranger who lives out of a suitcase. It is my wish that i can return to a home with him one day, and i very much want to settle down both mentally to a person and physically to a place like an old dog.
Piggy celebrated his 36th yo birthday last Sunday, while i was not around. I promised my mum this year that i will keep her company next year on mother's day and her birthday. I think i should do the same to piggy and if possible to my old friends. I am really sorry that i have to leave them for my own career. I think this trip to China and Hongkong is an eye opener. I do not regret it but i doubt i want to leave my loved ones again as my mum's eyes will become wet everytime i leave the gate of my house to the airport and it breaks my heart, although many years ago somebody had forecasted that i will have to leave my homeland to earn a living which is a better thing for me. I think it is a curse, 'cos being alone in a foreign land is never a good feeling especially when one becomes older (like me). China is not Malaysia or Singapore and it can never replace my home. Even if returning to Singapore or Malaysia means lower pay and less cash to spend, i should be contented as i just want a simple and peaceful life. I am really really tired now.
Darby
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