Miss my grandpa

The first man who doted on me in my life is not my dad, he is my grandpa, my mum's dad. I was brought up in my grandparents family since childhood , with 3 aunts , 3 cousins. My grandpa and grandma doted on me for unknown reasons , may be they were pity on me , a young boy at age 5/ 6 yo had to leave his home and grew up with grandparents. My grandpa showered his love for me in his way, we have house rules for all the kids to take afternoon nap at 3 pm everyday , and i just could not fall asleep together with my cousins most of the time. Grandpa would put me on his bike , and asked me to hold his waist real tight , off we would go to coffee shop about 5 minutes ride away. He would buy me toast , half boiled eggs , and share his hot aromatic coffee with me in that kind of plate for coffee cups that you may still find now adays in old Kopitiam. Sometimes, he would order a few small cubes of butter or cheese ( if i not wrong, i still do not know what is that altho i can remember the taste ), with tooth pick poked into it, and i would take one from the plate. That was in late 1970s, taking afternoon tea at Kopitiam was an expensive habit. My grandpa did not share this quiet moment of the day with his wife , but me, perhaps i was not too nosey as a kid. Looking back , i realise how he pampered me , not his oonly grandson that carry his surname.

And on one of the family photos taken , i was about 4 y/o standing in front of grandpa who was seated ,i was crying loud in front of the camera , and you can tell that my grandpa s facial expression is sad , not annoyed. He was really sad that i cried for unknown reason and holding my little body , trying to comfort me. A gentle old man. And what really upset me is , the last few years before he passed away , he was senile and just could not recognised us, and constantly worrying about the Japanese will be attacking again, he was a young man when took part in the world war II , fighting Japanese with Malayan Communist then. That experience must have embedded deep fear in him subconsciously, it should be a horrifying experience for a kind soul like him. I despise Japanese ppl who took part in World War II , and that is something we as a Chinese you can forgive , but never forget.

And after i left grandparents for my own family, i have no fatherly love for a long period of time. I just miss him recently,one of a few persons in my life who has been real kind to me.

Darby